iphone on every carrier, imagine that.

So I arrive to work today and I realize that I didnt have a shirt to wear for my shift. So now I have to run off to this store on 6th Ave. called OMG to get a shirt for work. These mistakes can get a little costly as it burned a $17.25 hole in my pocket and that was on the "players price" the armienean dude gave me. And we go on with our iphone talk and he tells me that At&t extended its contract with iphone until 2012. and Im like noooooooooooooooo. I guess Ill never get an iphone because we will be in a new Mayan Baktune. and who knows what over really is. I dont know so I guess Im going to have to stick with my inital plans on getting a blackberry. But you know what.? I really dont want one. I think Im going to hold on to my Palm Pre until the last drop and then get something new. Who knows what the future beholds, and as the saying goes, Im going to say it agian, "You can never win with technology!" Oh Apple... :(

tired of putting my health on the backburner.

Lately I have been sick bad, and yesterdays weather was really playing with us as a city. This month has been pretty nice but last week we have been getting alot of dreary weather. And I think that was the cause of me not getting any better.
This morning I was throwing up and having an Asthma Attack and had to call out of work, and my manager decided to threaten me with "serious concequences" if I didnt come into work today. So Im saying in my head, what do you want me to do?? Come into work sick, hacking up all over everyones drinks getting the other partners sick?? That dosent make any damn sense what so ever. So I made the option today and I text her that I was going to take care of myself, and then I recive a long text talking about how I have been sick all week and that I had two days off to get myself together, also that this was unacceptable of a shift supervisor and this was a shift from Jen (my district manager) so get ready for all that comes behind this. ???WTF? im saying in my head? What the fuck am I supposed to do? Magically get better and bust my ass at Starbucks, hell no. I'm the one that is missing out cause me not coming to work is burning a hole in my pockets too.
See this is the type of shit that pisses me off because people expect more out of my position that I never even wanted in the first place. It kills me how managers can be so inconsiderate and then act like they really care. This is a dog eat dog world and if you dont take care of yourself nobody will. And thats exactly what I did today! The worst that can happen is me losing my job over calling out sick, now, how does that look? All I know is that I have to vent and this is my one and only outlet to do so. And my manager made me pissed to the point of considering quitting my job. Im so ready for starbucks to fire me over some bullshit I swear, I have rehursed an entire monolouge of how Im going out if they come at me foul, 5 years Ive given of my life to this company that just will take, take, and take time out of the precious moments you have in life.
All in all Im starting to feel much better now that I threw up most of the flem in my body, I went to the doctor and got some percriptions to get better and I dont have to be at work till 4 tomorrow. So we will see. But either or Im ready for whatever. 1st things 1st is my health which should be the very first priority in my life cause Im tired of putting it on the backburner for a job I hardly even love. damn shame SMH.

find your love.

I will never get trapped into a relationship with someone I do not like nor love. Love is such a strong word that I swear people take for granted. Love takes time to grow like a plant. You cant just meet someone and say that you are in love with this person that you dont even know. Now you might be infatuated, lustfull, or just want to knock the boots with this person, but Love, never. Love is like a trap in my eyes. Because when two partys say that they love eachother and they are truly feeling eachother then its a wrap. They are in love! Ready to celebrate Valentines Day and go head over heels for one another.
I know one day my time will come. I have faith that there is someone out there for me. But I want that someone to be someone that can hold me down, that I can trust, that dosent have a big ass mouth, and is about us as a unit instead of about thereselve, too much in my life have I dealt with selfish people, which in turn has made me a little bit selfish of my own heart. Im not going to give my heart on a platter to no one. They must earn my love, find my love, and not try to play around with it.
Real Love I dont think Ill be ready for until I get older. Im still young and dumb, learning Lifes Lessons. Its funny because you can meet a girl one day and think shes the one but if she gives it up too quick then she aint shit. Its like you conqured her too quick. and she isnt worthy to love, there goes that saying "You cant turn a hoe into a housewife." lol. So Gangsta but true.
I admire all of my friends that find there ones. I know one day my time will come. But for the meantime, Im happy doing me, being safe, Being aware, and learning the lessons of love. To keep on moving after love is grand. I write this because I know I have a soft heart when I take away its tough shell. And all Im trying to do is make me stronger. Which I intend to do. Shit if my parents can find love after so many trials and tribulations I know I can, But the funny thing is..... Im not searching anymore.

verizon iphone and blackberry dreams.

Lately I have been thinking about getting a Blackberry. Dont get me wrong I love my Palm Pre, But I just want to know what all the fuss is about with having a Blackberry. When I try them out at the verizon stores I am not all that impressed, the only thing that catches my attention is the keyboard, the battery life and the featherweightness of it, which those are all great freatures. I have been considering going on craigslist to cop a used blackberry so I can get my trial of having one, but I fear things that can be addicting, which is why I like my Palm Pre because it isnt phone crack.
The reason why I dont want to get one so quickly is because I would be pissed off if Iphone came to verizon when they come out with there new phone this year. I love how iphone and verizon has everyone on lock, yo if I talk about iphone with any apple or verizon employee they tend to shut down on conversation and I love it!! I hope and prey iphone comes to verizon because I would give up a couple paychecks just to get one, then Blackberry can take the backburner, But if apple decides to extend its contract with wackass at&t then Im coping a blackberry. u can never win with technology. But allwaysknow that apple makes the bestproducts, the only phone I know that you can pay for and probally get even more back selling it used, what other phone can u do that with???

the oz preyer.

God strengthen my mind to make wiser decisions and not get caught up in a delusion that will take me down an unrighteous path.

God strengthen my heart to never loose sight of my passions and people I love, open my heart so that i can represent your love.

God give me the courage to conquer the fear that keeps me from the truth of being a wise and righteous soul.

Through all of my struggles.
Keep me strong.
Amen.

ban anything lame.

Well I'm istening to Cherry Martinez on 105.1 & she has this DJ on there that is banning everything lame this year. They call today "Ban Mondays" So in the spirit off.... Here I write.

Opening myself to others is what's up! I know i don't do it much but I'm starting to realize that one needs social interactions to enjoy life. It's hard for me to get close to people because I want to avoid thoes jealous feelings that one gets when they are imbracced as family but then you realize that they are no kin to you. But that's kind of dumb right? (contradiction) that feelng is lame? Right?? I should ban that thought, and just take people for who they are.
Well I'm trying to make more connections ths year. All while working on myself. I am a work in progression as it takes a lifetime. Just as long as I don't degress. Cause that's what it's all about. Moving forward. Move for progress to gain success. (Am I sounding like Jesse Jackson?)
So when I think of LAME what pops into my head...???
My job,
my high ass rent,
not keeping in touch with family,
Fake ass people,
isolation,
self destruction,
no education,
Debt,
& not doing anything about it.
I find myself often saying just be thankful for what you got. But that dosent mean I should settle. I say this alot when I think I'm in a low place in my life. I just want better. These things that I listed also create my trap. A trap that is keeping me away from my freedom. I want to blog on every topic that I listed because I want to investigate a little deeper so that I can one day get out of this trap and be free. While also bloging about my definition of freedom. Therefore I have my next 10 blogs listed out for me.... I'll call them "the freedom blogs." I like that. (Cool something to keep me productive during idle times.) andd No for me this isn't lame this will be the formula to progression that will one day lead into success!

the mis-education of dante giray.

A big insecurity that I have is not finishing school. Yes, My name is Dante Giray and I am a College Dropout. When I see friends with degrees. Im like damn that could have been me, I at times wonder where would my life be now if I would have had a degree. it has now been 10 years since I have been back to school, 10 years! I attended Alabama A&M in Huntsville in 2000 and now its 2010. I once told my ma that I had a fear of going back to school due to all the debt it has put me in. Its like I worry about what I owe than worrying about what is going to in my head. I dont want to be like that. I want my mind to be free to accept new knowlidge that will help me succeed. Not that I am almost 40,000$ in debt with no degree! uuggh just uttering those words makes me quiver.
Damn Im going to have to think back and put this on a timeline because I want to see where all my time has gone.

2000-2001/ Graduated High School, Attended Alabama A&M University (Freshman Year)
2001-2002/(9-11, took a course @ Sac City and CSUS, Moved into my first apartment in Sac lasted for 6 months, Worked at the California State Fair saved for NYC
2002-2003/Attended the Kathrine Gibbs School in the Visual Communications Program moved to Cleveland, moved back to Sac.
2003-2004/Attended CRC in Sacramento, worked for CPEC for a month, Moved back to NYC.
2004-2005/Got hired with Starbucks at 195 Broadway (moved into a shelter)
2005-2009/Transfered to Starbucks @ Layfayette & Worth & worked and Pita Pit until I got promoted (Moved into my studio in the Bronx)
2009-2010/Transfered to Starbucks @ 6th & Waverly... and here I am.

Wow. Looking at this, Im realizing how much time I devoted to my job, trying to stay a float, and keep a roof over my head, took about 5 years out of my life doing something that really dosent benifit me. I mean I know I get a paycheck, But if Im working just getting a paycheck, to Pay my Rent, ConEdison, Phone, and Food, then WTF am I really working for?? For 5 years I have been in a zombie like faze. Sorry to put it like that. But I havent been doing really nothing to benifit or uplift my own self. Shit I havent even signed up for a 401K at my job, therefore its not even like I have money to show for my hard work @ Starbucks. I see my fellow partners at work come in and have school first on there agenda, and Im like where did I go wrong? Was moving out here a bad choice? No, I love New York too much to knock it, but will loving this land defer me from being the best person that I can be?? Then that quote comes into my head,

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as childern do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. Its not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
(had to write the whole quote!)

Is my issue fear? Fear of Succeeding or fear of not succeding if I have a degree? Fear of not making enough money to keep the roof over my head while Im in school? Fear of just not making enough money? Fear of starting over agian? Fear of getting traped into a carrer Ill hate? All I know is if I dont make any changes in my life I can be stuck at Starbucks for the rest of my life. I used to always say when I get to my 5th year @ starbucks Ill change jobs. Well I guess I put that in the universe and now that I am aproaching my 6th year Im like where the fuck did the time go, why am I still here?? And the bigger picture is why didnt I put somewhere in that declaration that I was going to develop myself to be the best person that I can be getting my education by any means. Putting myself first. And now I must step back agian and say I am making that declaration now! Stop being a victim of my curcumstance, dont regret my past niether because now I know what it is like to have been stuck, now I must master how to get out and that is the challenge.

I just posted on my Facebook a little April Fools stunt quoting that I quit my job today. Even though it isnt true. Just typing the words felt so damn good. But I know if I did just up and quit that I wouldnt be looking out for my best intrest. I would actually be making it harder for myself, because how would I take care of myself? unless I had something else lined up? Got to be smart about things. I know Ill navigate out of this. Im going to find a way, make a plan, and take action.

I have faith that I can do it. Its just up to me to keep pushing. :)